Since Tuesday, I've had this huge stressful feeling in my body. You know, it's the kind of stress you get when you're about to do a big event like a college exam, a public speech or asking that girl that you have a crush on out for a movie and some Red Lobster. Or when something's bothering you a lot, like your job or somebody you know. You know the feeling: a lot of pressure in your chest, mild shaking, nausea, loss of appetite, muscle soreness, throat tighness, heart palpitations. I've had all of that since Tuesday. It was so bad yesterday that I just bought a salad for lunch, and I couldn't even finish that.
It certainly feels like stress, but for the life of me, I can't figure out
why. My life is good. The high school is... well, like it's always been. I've learned to deal with students' shenanigans (did I just say
that?) , so it doesn't bother me anymore. At the Osaka office, even though things have been busy since last Thursday, I feel pretty relaxed working there nowadays. My relationship with my GF is at its best point in the 4 years we've been dating. I can't think of anything that has happened recently that would stress me out like that. I even thought back to
what happened to me at my high school's sports day, but that was last Friday. This started on Tuesday.
Thinking that something was terribly wrong with me, I went to see a doctor after work last night. However, after checking me out, he said that nothing was wrong with me physically. My blood pressure was good, and my pulse was normal. Only thing he saw wrong was that my shoulders were very hard and tense (usually a result of stress). His conclusion was that I was very stressed about something. He asked me if anything had been bothering me lately, or if I'm dreading anything that's coming up in the future. I told him I couldn't think of anything at all. The doctor said either I'm lying or I'm too shy to tell him what's
really going on, because from what he could tell, I was stressed out. He gave me something to increase my appetite, told me to exercise and eat healthy, and sent me on my way.
After leaving the clinic, I thought,
OK, I'll trust the doctor on this one. So from last night, I've been trying my best to relax. I've been taking things slowly, breathing deeply and listening to bossa nova. And guess what? I've felt a lot better. I'm probably at 85% now. Maybe the old doctor was right after all. But that still doesn't solve the mystery:
Why am I stressed? I still can't figure it out.