For a while now, I've been thinking about two things that people commonly say about me:
"You're nice, but you're too nice."
"You're a serious guy."
These things bother me, especially the whole "too nice" thing, which goes back to high school.
One day back then, I walked into English class a few minutes early. Waiting in there was a girl that sat at the same table as I, and we struck up a small conversation. Then the girl breaks out this line: "You know, Herman, you are a nice guy. You are nice to everyone around. But you're too nice. You need to be a little meaner; you need to tease a little." I was taken aback; I had no response.
That line stuck with me for years, especially because since that time, both here and back in the U.S., other people have said similar things. What the hell is wrong with being nice? I thought to myself. The world is full of mean people and people that don't show other people respect. Now you're trying to tell me that in order for me to be more popular, I have to stop being nice? I have to insult people to win their favor? I began to resent such people. Maybe they're upset because I treat people nicely and they don't. They want me to come down to their level.
Since I started working in schools here in Japan, I've heard the "You're serious" line a lot. I don't know; maybe it's because I concentrate on my work and try to be professional. But my bosses say I'm serious, and so do some co-workers. And I thought, What's wrong with being serious? Isn't that what you want out of a teacher, or any employee? What's wrong with being serious about a job, or a task, or anything?
Then the other day, it finally hit me. Those people were not really saying that I was too nice or serious. They were saying, in a nice way, that I am boring. They were trying to tell me, without hurting my feelings, that I'm not an interesting guy.
I wonder why I didn't notice that before. I do try to be nice to everyone. I'm careful about what I say to people, to minimize the risk of getting on the wrong side of people. I do that to make friends with people, but those people seem to hang out with other people, including some that tend to be jerks. How come they want to hang out with that jerk, who calls people names and say bad stuff about people behind their backs, but they don't want to hang out with me? I used to think. But it had nothing to do with being nice; it had everything to do with being interesting. To them, the jerk was more interesting than me, Mr. Nice Guy.
I guess what they say is true: Nice guys do finish last.
Since then, I've been wrestling with myself. Do I change myself, or do I say, "Forget those losers and punks!"? How would I make myself more interesting, anyway? Tell jokes? Pull pranks? Wear bright clothing? This has messed me up, big time.
